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Step 1 - GEAR UP:

No - it's not about bringing the appropriate gear. All that "be prepared" nonsense. Of course, swimwear, cool summer clothes (new & trendy of course) are important.. but no - This is about PSYCHOLOGICALLY gearing up.

Here's how: Get up at 2:15 am to catch your flight out- no matter what time your flight is that day. This way you can really build up that anticipation and excitement for the travel day, sleep on the plane(s), and get your body all out of whack just before you arrive! (argh)...

Step 2 - SAY YES TO SURFING:

Upon arrival, when your really great friend (a.k.a. ex-boyfriend) says excitedly, "So, do you want to go and try to catch some waves right NOW?" This is your cue to say YES - even though you are running on empty, on your last leg, and exhausted from the trip. This will get you off on the right foot with he and all his hard-core surfer buddies, and ensure your place in the "I'm a die-hard surfer type person, or at least a wannabe, who will try to flail around on the waves at all costs - calling it surfing, even when conditions are rough, and I will never say no - even though maybe I should" hall of fame.

Step 3 - OBEY YOUR INSTRUCTOR:

So. I just have to say here.. and I suppose this is a bit of a warning... When your instructor (and let's HOPE he/she is a surfer, or you are in trouble), tells you to paddle - PADDLE! When they say "stand up" - STAND UP! Don't get distracted thinking about other things like 'UH-OH...that wall of white water is coming at me pretty fast..' or 'this water tastes so stinkin' salty' or 'gee, what a pretty shade of blue the water is down there'. Mark my words - this will only get you into trouble. You will either get pummeled by that white water, drink more of that icky salty stuff, or find yourself plunged into that pretty blue stuff.. and it WON'T be pretty!

Step 4 - DON'T TRY TO MAKE YOUR LANDINGS PRETTY AT FIRST:

As mentioned in Step 3 - Do EXACTLY as your instructor tells you - no matter WHAT. When, after you've stood up (or at least 1/2 stood up) at least three times, and your arms are shaking and your nasal passages are burning from salt-water, and he says "okay let's go back to the beach" As you approach the shore, and he says "just let the board carry you all the way in." DO EXACTLY THAT. This way, when you are on your board in only about a foot of water, and could really stand up and walk in - but you don't - this really nice big friendly wave will come in and CRAM you and the board into this 120 degree angled WALL of wet sandy beach in front of you. If you are REALLY lucky, you'll fly forward from the board, with the waves pushing you oh so smoothley along the rocky, gritty, sandy bottom, so you get a really large amount of gritty sand and rocks in your bikini top and bottoms, or board shorts, or both. The BONUS is, you'll scuff up your knees with some raspberries- maybe even get some bruises if you're lucky, so you have future battle scars to show off!! The downside is you WILL look like a beached whale lying there in the sand, and when you get up, you, your entire front side, and the board will be covered with sand and it WON'T BE PRETTY.

Step 5 - DON'T BE A SELFISH SURFER - KNOW WHEN IT'S TIME TO SACRIFICE

When, after your first day of surfing (and your beached whale experience), your friend, after seeing how well you took to your first experience, says to you "Hey! Do you want to get up at 4:30 AM and drive out to the east cape to catch some waves over there tomorrow?" What should you say? You guessed it - "YES." If you were thinking the answer would be "NO - ARE YOU KIDDING?" - please see step 2 under "hall of fame" to see why that is incorrect. You see, if you really work this program, and follow the steps, you will have already set the early morning, godless hour precedent, and be "geared up" for yet another early day! One thing to keep in mind, however, is that when you get out there, you DO want to know when to be selfless and make sacrifices. You may be DYING to catch some waves after your initial experience. You probably can’t wait to cruise along like a pro by now - particularly in potentially dangerous water you've never seen, or been in. You probably can't WAIT to try to bring that board into shore again... But you MUST resist the urge. Remember your FRIEND is a surfer too. He's probably dying to catch some waves of his own. He's a little more experienced than you, and would probably rather just catch the best waves possible for himself – which would NOT be at your level…. and I know the urge would be to say "but WHAT ABOUT ME?" But you MUST resist. Today you should sacrifice your surf time, so that your friend can have an awesome surfing day. Today, your mindset can still be all about you - sipping on a nice cold beverage, lying on the beach in the warmth of the sun, beach umbrella just-so, and reading a good book. You just don't GET to surf today. Today is about being a friend to YOUR friend and letting HIM have the surf.

Step 6 - THE WIND CAN BE YOUR FRIEND

After that first day of relaxing, when your friend asks if you want to repeat the cycle all over again the next day and get up at 4:30 AM again, you should be adequately renewed so you can offer him a resounding YES (which you must do). This will help you become the hard-core surfer you envisioned, prove you are not a wimp who's just there for the rest and relaxation, and further solidify your place in the hall of fame. One thing you should note, however. There is this phenomenon that surfers experience. It comes around fairly regularly, and is only absent at certain times and dates. It's called WIND. Most surfers hate wind, with a capital H. But as a new, fledgling surfer, I have found that the wind can be your friend - particularly if you get exhausted. When your instructor takes you out to a new area - back out on that "east cape" or wherever it may be - and tells you that the waves are the same as before. When those waves don't look the same, and the bottom looks even rockier than the last surf spot you tried - PRAY FOR WIND. You see, when you are going through the drill of 1) paddling out past the little waves, to the bigger ones, (surfer's call it from the inside to the outside, which I will say from now on, since I'm now a surfer), 2) practicing turning your board around to face the shore, 3) trying to control the board when you are sitting up on it (in different places on the board, of course), and 3) your instructor pushes you out to catch a wave, all the while saying "paddle... paddle.. paddle hard...!! go!!" you can do your best to stand up again, as you did the last time. But when WIND exists - you do all the things listed above, only this time it is MUCH HARDER... you will suffer LOADS of crashes, paddle hopelessly back out repeatedly, each time getting weaker and lamer at paddling, and try it all over again - only to get pummeled and knocked about by the waves again. Here's where the wind becomes your friend: You have already rested an entire day on the beach, being a sun god or goddess. You CANNOT be the one to say "i'm just so tired! i can't do this! this is too hard!" But if there is WIND - your instructor, who probably HATES the wind, will say "it's a little rough out here.." or "it's getting a little windy.. are you done for now?" Then you are off the hook! Of course, when your friend says "we might be able to catch something back at Old Man's where it's calmer a little later.. if you want...", you can nod YES enthusiastically, and tell him to take his time and have fun surfing the rest of the afternoon if he wants...

Step 7 – GO WITH THE FLOW!

Remember the saying with something about "the best laid plans" ... well... The best thing you can do at the very beginning, when planning your trip to Cabo, particularly if you do as I did, and plan to stay either with your new ex-boyfriend (generally thought of as a BAD idea), or at a friend’s condo (aka – non-hotel arrangements), is to put together a VERY loose plan. Don’t get your mind set on any one set of arrangements, and then once you arrive, GO WITH THE FLOW. Once you arrive you can assess things and make changes if needed. If you get to your ex-boyfriend’s, not sure how he is going to feel, or react to your being there – and you find that he is that friendly, happy-go-lucky kind of pal you were looking for on this trip – then you can breath a sigh of relief and just stay THERE. You can always keep your options open, and continue to mention that you must stop by your friend’s condo and check it out. That way, when you do get to her condo, and find that the keys you have don't work – no matter how crafty and adept you are at getting keys to work in locks - you can breathe a sigh of relief that you were flexible (and make a note to self to kill friend upon return to civilization).

Step 8 - PARTYING IS NOT PRIORITY

When you reach the end of your day surfing, and have little or no energy left - just remember one thing: You traveled to Cabo to learn to surf. You can go out for dinner and drinks and whoop it up ANY time. This trip is about learning a new thing. It's about precision, discipline and most of all trying to find the energy to take a shower at the end of the day, and do it all over again the next day. It is NOT about going out and socializing, checking out the scene or people watching. It is NOT about shopping or site seeing. The only sites you need to concentrate on are the waves. How they move when the wind picks up. How the ocean swells and what happens after that... What a riptide does. It's all fascinating, and you must study long and hard to see that! You must appreciate this great force of nature you trying to surf on! Now - IF you do get the opportunity to go out for say - sushi and drinks with a couple of other friends, and you decide to stop at the neighborhood outdoor pub called Havanas or Cuba Joes or whatever it may be... I suggest that you still go home at a reasonable time so you can get to sleep and prepare for the next day of surfing. Though you may be enjoying yourself, don’t worry that you are fading fast, and can’t play with the big boys for the night…it is very important to stay focused and be sensible here. You do not want to overtax yourself, or your friend who has been so gracious to hang with you all these days thus far. One COULD be tempted to whine and cry about the lack of night life. But in the end, when you are smart and get home early, your head will hit that pillow without a second thought.

Step 9 - Catch a Movie

Remember there is a certain balance to all things. Yin and Yang... Pro and Con... Yes and No.. and whatever else you can think of... Though you did come to Cabo to learn to surf, you also came for a much needed vacation. What better way to do it than to catch a movie while you are there? If possible, go to the theatre that lists all the movies in Spanish or a foreign language of which you are NOT fluent. And – make sure the movie titles are not in a sensible, translatable version of the language. OH – and YOUR abilities to speak the language, though once you were pretty fluent, are now good and rusty… And do NOT bring your little language pocket companion along (that would only spoil the fun!). If the gods are smiling on you, the movies will all be in english - but the trick will be guessing what movie you are going in to watch. Here's a challenge: Pick the ONE movie that has NO poster or description for it anywhere. Make sure the marquee ONLY lists the showtimes, show up about 20 minutes late, and see THAT one! THIS way, you get your vegetative experience, while still testing your patience and agility (not slapping someone as you walk in, out of frustration, can be a very agile move). Also, if you are really lucky - you will end up in one of those brainless Ashton Kutcher movies, like Guess Who, and have a really great laugh, even though you missed the first 20 minutes. You will be glad you did it!

Step 10 - Lunch is a Reward

The days out on the Baja Penninsula can be sweltering hot, muggy, and tiresome. You have surfed, you have sunbathed, you have read your book to your heart’s content, you have sipped on lukewarm water and eaten the last of the cold fruit in the cooler… When you are an adventure-seeker like me, you will find yourself out in the middle of nowhere with a cooler of soda crackers and salt water to drink. But if you are lucky and have a very smart friend/surf instructor along, he will know that you MUST HAVE REAL FOOD, and that a certain carrot must be dangled to get you to last five hours on the beach while he surfs (and I don’t mean orange carrots to eat!). I have learned that in the Baja there are restaurants in the remotest of places. Just when you thought you passed that one towering cactus for the 8^th time and you can’t stand another set of unbearable washboard and bumps on those unbearable dirt roads - you will stumble upon a restaurant.. most certainly. And in the Baja it won’t be just any restaurant. It will be completely outdoors, with a grass roof, out-house, dirt floors, and two resident dogs that sigh and pass out at your feet. It will have a cute little surfer girl from London as the chef … she will cook you up some delicious fish tacos on homemade corn tortillas, and she will sell you one of those white tee shirts that says in cute pink letters “Crossroads Country Club, Vinorama Mexico, B.C.S.” It will be a COOL place with a panoramic ocean view.. where you might expect Michael Douglas and Danny Devito to sit down and make some sinister plot, while they sip on Tequila Sunrises – like in the Jewel of the Nile. Know this. Coming to this place IS your reward for being the good surfer / friend / whatever. All I know is if you play your cards right, you will find yourself with a friend who KNOWS YOU NEED THIS REWARD. Who knows that it will be a FANTASTIC experience.

Step 11 – The Surfing Guru is King

I am certain that at every surf spot there exists that quintessential kingpin of surfing… the professional surfer guy who looks like Michael Angelo or Rembrandt would - creating a masterpiece when he surfs... the guy that everyone knows and respects. The surfing guru. To cap off your Cabo experience, it is imperative that you have a well-rounded learning experience, with instruction from more than one instructor. Yes, your friend and trusty surf instructor has been incredible thus far, but if given the opportunity you should most definitely take a lesson from an additional instructor. And, if you happen to find yourself out on the beach with that professional surfer who runs THE surf school down there at the Cabo Surf Hotel, and IF he happens to offer to go out with you later that day – TAKE HIM UP ON IT. You will not regret it. As a matter of fact, even though he might be a bit tough on you (like a DRILL SEARGANT) and not nearly as friendly as your friend, he knows exactly how to get you surfing. I SWEAR - you will actually SURF THREE solid waves, and stand fully upright, and CARRY your board onto shore by the time you are done (no beached whale thing happenin there!)… Remember the Surfing Guru is King of the waves and you WILL surf if you take a lesson with him! Let’s not even think about the fact that you’ll have to start all over again the next time you are near the ocean!

Step 12 – Say Thanks – Be Honest – Come Home

Always remember – Cabo is a great little resort – but it is also a small town where everyone knows everyone. So, when on your last night in Cabo, someone tells you that your ex-boyfriend was nervous about your coming, and didn’t know what to expect… Don’t let it pass. Tell him you heard the rumor… admit you were a little nervous too… but that you were so happy with how it all went down, and that you could be friends and have fun! You will be so glad you said something, and he will let you know he is stoked that it all worked out the way it did. This will help you to leave Cabo and come home with grand memories of surfing, sun-bathing and lots of fun with a special group of friends… old and new.

And now.. let's all join hands and say the serenity prayer....